I am overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted and I feel like an absolute failure of a mother at the end of each day. This is just me venting.
Nothing is Enough
I’m a homeschooling mother and I constantly feel overwhelmed with the amount of work the service provider expects. It feels like no matter what we do, we’re not getting enough school work done in a day. I also feel conflicted about forcing this amount of work on a 5 year old. I know I’m not stimulating my almost 1-year old enough and my poor middle child is not getting nearly enough attention. At the same time it feels like my relationship with my partner is falling apart.
To top it off, my mother-in-law is staying with us and while I admire and envy her creativity, what adds to my overwhelm is the hoarding tendencies that go with that creativity. My house is always a mess and it is driving me insane.
With her came a large bred part wolf, part dog that I am extremely conflicted about. It is a beautiful and very respectful animal, but the lawn is covered with his elephant sized dung, which means the children cannot play outside without micro-managed supervision. Keeping them inside and the Timberwolf outside is a full-time job. At the same time I feel guilty for not having enough space for him to run around and get the exercise he truly needs.
Everyone is constantly yelling, at the dog, at each other – I am just losing my mind.
Yes, I am nagging and complaining again! I am overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and being the only one to do it. All the different roles I have to play, and hats I have to wear. I feel like I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack and if I dare relax for just one second, all will fall apart. I will forget something important, something will be left incomplete, we will fall even further behind in schedule.
It is as if no one understands that my decisions affect more than just my own life or the lives of my family. It also affects the lives of my clients.
Yes, over and above all the craziness currently happening in personal life, I also have a business to run. Several actually, but seeing that the others can’t get off the ground (without me putting some time and energy into it), I’m just trying to keep theafloat.
Brides and grooms preparing for their wedding dance. Ladies counting on us to help them get fit and lose weight. I can’t just take a chill pill and take the night off. If I did, that would mean adding additional stress on someone who’s paying me to take some of that off their shoulders. It could mean someone is running out of time to learn their first dance, someone is losing focus on their road to health that may lead to them giving up on their goals completely.
I don’t have the answers
I have to find a way to manage these everyday obstacles that are leading to exhaustion and frustration without getting so overwhelmed.
Today I don’t have a solution, but today I am taking a breather, for me. I left the kids at home with daddy, got in my car and came to our local mall. I didn’t come for some retail therapy, I grabbed a table in the corner of the food court, that many utilize daily as their out of home office. I had a list of things in my head that I wanted to get done while spending just one hour here.
I did not do any of them. Instead, I sat down and wrote this post. This post that doesn’t offer any advice, any help of any means to mothers, wives or business women out there. Unless of course today you read this and you realize that you are not alone. Life gets too much, for all of us at some point. My wish for you today is that you can have one cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a deep breath, whatever it may be that you need – ALONE and in peace.
Edit to add:
Hey Mamas! Since writing this post, I’ve found an excellent supplement that at least sorts out the exhaustion for me. Read about it here: No1. Solution for Exhausted Moms